If I had a dollar for every time someone going through a divorce asks me this question!
To me this is the saddest question I could possibly hear! And, the most destructive to the person asking it!
Let me answer this question for all of you who have EVER asked it of yourself or anyone else:
Nothing is wrong with you at all.
You are beautiful and perfect just as you are.
You are going through a transition and are ready to design the next chapter of your life.
Whatever path your life has taken to bring you to where you are today…it was meant to happen. And if you are lucky and take this opportunity to listen to your emotions, heart and soul, you will unlock the key to creating the life you imagine!
When we experience a time of loss, overwhelm and extreme emotion, our tendency is to:
- become defensive
- blame someone or something for what has happened
- make excuses for why we are where we are
- demand revenge
- indulge in anger
- act out in ways that don’t serve us
NONE of these will allow you to move forward, but will keep you STUCK exactly where you are and will ultimately attract exactly the same thing to your life.
Do these attributes sound appealing to you? I hope not, because they are not appealing. And will keep you in the same place you are now.
So, if you want to know “what’s wrong with you”, the better question to ask is, “who am I and what do I want”?
When you can answer this question, things will show up in your life that you can’t imagine you could ever have!
The following five steps will help you to get started on this process:
Set a timer for 20 minutes and find a quiet, comfortable place in which to write, and complete the following statement. Continue writing until the timer has gone off. Do not stop writing.
Everything that has brought me to today has been a blessing because….
When you are able to gain clarity around why you are where you are, you will begin to move forward.
Make a list of what role you have played in your life to this point.
- how did you contribute, both positive and negative, to your marriage
- how have you honored, or not honored, who you are in your life
- what did you “sacrifice” for others in your life
Understanding the choices you have made and taking responsibility for them will help you to begin the healing process.
There is no good or bad. No right or wrong.
In divorce, there is no such thing as a “winner” or “loser”. There are only actions and reactions. And each person is accountable for their “role” in what took place.
Regardless of what took place in your marriage and/or the demise of it, “it takes two to tango!”
The most liberating thing you can do is to be honest with yourself about what you brought to the table…good and bad. Knowing is the first step to breaking old patterns.
From this moment on, every action you take, word you speak or behavior you exhibit is YOUR CHOICE. And, from this moment on, you are responsible for them.
Commitment. This is the moment where you make a commitment to yourself to ONLY look forward.
No looking back. No regret. No clinging to what was. No excuses.
Write a commitment statement to yourself that you will begin TODAY to move forward with compassion, honesty, and a dedication to creating the life that fulfills you!
Put your statement on an index card in your favorite color! Decorate it if you would like and then put it up on your bathroom mirror, your front door or your refrigerator…anywhere that you will see it EVERYDAY!
What happens from this moment on is up to you. All the answers are within you and only need to be accessed!
Find a quiet spot that is comfortable and sit with a pen and paper.
Close your eyes and remember back to a time when you felt like your BEST YOU!
A time when you felt:
- on fire
What were you doing?
How did you act?
What were your emotions?
Write down everything that you felt, experienced, said, did… Do you want to feel that way again?
If so, it’s time to re-ignite the fire within you! And you are ready!
There is NOTHING wrong with you! You are beautiful, bold and brilliant! When you find the loving, passionate, “juiced”, excited, unstoppable woman within you…all the rest will follow!