So, have you ever been so angry that you simply cried! I don’t mean a little cry, but a big, huge loud sobbing cry…with weeping involved??!!
Well, I have. And when it has happened, it has always TRULY been sadness wrapped in mad.
After I got divorced, I was irritable. So many things were rolling around in my head to feel mad about. The inequity, the instability, the loneliness, the shear overwhelm of it all!
But once I began my journey of self discovery, which involved exploring how I got to that point, I gained understanding of this principle. The power of this principle is amazing and will give you the ability to manage your emotions.
I realized that underneath all the anger I was really incredibly sad. So sad that I simply didn’t feel like facing it! However, once I did, my journey truly began.
Here are a few points that will help you to understand this principle:
Loss – big huge loss.
There are many pieces of the divorce that are each a loss on its own.
• your marriage
• your friends
• your “in law” family
• your children 100% of the time
• your financial stability…
The list goes on and on. With so much loss, whether you want or wanted the divorce or not, you are going to be sad. And I mean SAD.
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – what you thought would be.
As we just talked about, the biggest loss is that of what “should have”, “could have” and “would have” been.
The marriage that was supposed to last forever.
The financial security you believed you had.
The choice of whether to work or not.
The family vacations with friends that you have always planned.
These are only a few of the things that you will feel SAD about. I am sure that you could easily add a few additional ones as well.
What do I do now? – overwhelm.
Almost immediately upon deciding to get a divorce, you will have a growing sense of overwhelm Every where you look, there will be things that have to be done, scheduled, researched, filled out, communicated, completed….
Your head will begin to spin and you won’t know what to do next. And when you get to that place of complete overwhelm, you will simply break down and cry.
Why? Because it’s SAD.
Inequity – life’s not fair.
One of the hardest thing for anyone going through a divorce to fully understand, is that “it’s not going to be fair”. And at least, you won’t feel that it is.
Whether you are working or not, have kids or not, or have money or not….you will believe in some way that that the divorce was unfair and “inequitable”. And you are probably right.
But that is the way it is.
It is frustrating and overwhelming….but there is nothing you can do about it. What happens from this point forward is up to you. It is your responsibility. And that includes creating a life of financial independence. It is up to you now and you should not rely on anyone else but yourself to determine what happens next.
And yes, it is incredibly SAD.
So, now…perhaps you have a better understanding of WHY you are so sad and HOW it can be hidden by that bold and loud MAD.
I hope that next time you begin to feel yourself overwhelmed with that hot and tight feeling in your chest, you will find a quiet place to sit and think through what you are REALLY feeling and allow yourself to feel the sadness. That’s when the healing begins!