I have always dreamed of love. Falling in love and growing old in love.
But while I wanted love for a long time, I realize that most of that time I simply wasn’t ready for it. I thought that I was, but just because we often think we are ready, it doesn’t mean we are.
For a long time I wasn’t fully committed to being the woman I needed to be to attract, create and sustain the kind of love that I deeply craved. I believed that if I could just find the right guy, it would all fall into place. Little did I know that I wouldn’t and couldn’t find him…find you, because I had lost sight of who I was; and I needed to find her first.
But I did the hard work. I knew that I had to be ready to show up as happy, healthy and deeply fulfilled woman, and I needed to prepare myself to receive what I only imagined I could have.
I finally found you because I had the courage to choose to do whatever it took to become the woman that I wanted you to fall in love with…the woman that I now love so deeply. I had to choose to love myself more than anyone else, including my children, my parents and you.
It wasn’t easy…and it was humbling. No one had taught me what I really needed to know, and so I had to learn it from scratch.
And while I don’t regret anything, I wish that I would have done more work on me before I made the choice to marry. But I also know that I needed my marriage to prepare me for the love I now get to enjoy with you. My divorce taught me everything I need to know about love.
I am ready now.
I know what makes me happy and I work hard every day to make sure that my life is full of those things. I have so many passions and interests, I often wonder how I will ever nurture them all. I realize that I can’t do them all at once, but I can honor all of the many ways that joy can show up in my life; and I have confidence that there will be time to welcome each in.
There was a time that I thought I had to sacrifice or ignore my many desires; that they were somehow irresponsible, selfish and inappropriate… and so I did. I withheld my truth and pretended to be something other than who I am. I didn’t know any better, but now I do. I know now that I am most beautiful when I feel inspired and alive.
I know that the more I fulfill myself, the more I have to share with you. I also know that when I do, it gives you permission to do the same. I want you to do and experience things that make you happy, the things you are most passionate about, because when you do, you have more to share with me. And when my life is turned on, I become more attracted to you.
I treasure my one, beautiful body and make sure that I fuel it with healthy food, take care of all of its many parts, and treat it like the sensual vessel that it is. I know that the more I love it, the more you will as well. Feeling good about it lets me share it with you in ways that bring us both pleasure, and I love pleasure. I am deeply sensual and sexual, I enjoy exploring the many ways I can express my desire.
I love being a mother, raising my two boys is a role I take incredibly seriously and one that brings me an indescribable happiness. I am best as a mother when I am at my best as a woman. While I want you to support and complement me in this role, I also know there are many ways that you can add value and dimension to their lives. I want to be a role model for them and it is important that you want to be the same.
I am comfortable in my skin and own who I am, but while I am committed to collaboration and compromise, I have learned that I will speak my truth in our love, and accept the consequences. I once felt that I couldn’t say how I felt and would risk losing love if I did. But while it can be frightening to tell you how I really feel, I am committed to doing it…even if my voice shakes. I know that speaking my truth in our relationship is the only way to feel free to be who I am. I know now that sustainable love only works when it is built on a foundation of truth and honesty.
I love being a woman. I want to embrace and sink into my femininity with you, friends, and the world…unapologetically. I am a powerful force, but a passionately loving one as well.
I make the choice to love you each and every day…I know that what we share can never be taken for granted and will require a daily discipline and commitment to growth. I am prepared to make that commitment.
I am ready for you. I am ready to create us.