1. Are you having sex?
  2. Do you love sex?
  3. Do you miss sex?
  4. How long has it been since you have had the kind of sex that you want to have?
I hear it over and over again from women…and actually men as well, that before their divorce actually happened, they had not had sex for months and in many cases years!

YIKES!

Having been there myself, I am aware of what happens to sex once a long term relationship and marriage begins to deteriorate.   And, that this deterioration can take many months and often years.

While a marriage deteriorates, so does trust, honesty and desire…all leading to an incredible decrease in intimacy, and therefore sex as well.

In our desire to bring sex back to our lives, we sometimes find inappropriate ways to engage in it. Sex can be used in all kinds of ways to get through this most difficult time:

  1. increase self esteem
  2. gain courage to leave a marriage
  3. create jealousy
  4. provide a false sense of security and intimacy
  5. control

It is common for both men and women to go “crazy” during separation and/or divorce and want to “find their sexual mojo” and have a great time…after all, don’t we all deserve it?

Yes….and No!

Yes, we all deserve a healthy and fantastic intimate and sexual relationship, but;

No, sex does not always provide us with what we THINK it does and can sometimes backfire on us.

Sex does NOT:

  1. mean love
  2. take away the sadness of the journey of divorce
  3. fill the void where a spouse once was
  4. replace good, healthy friendships
  5. make a great relationship
  6. mean commitment

I believe, and I recognize that many of you will disagree with me, that sex is an important part of life and if viewed in the right way, can have a healthy place in this divorce transition.

For example, wanting and needing to share a physical sexual encounter with someone does not necessarily mean that you want or are ready for a new relationship.

It is possible to want a casual, yet sexual, dating relationship as you move forward in your journey and begin to regroup and rebuild the foundation of your life.
Couple Hugging
I am here to give you permission to CHOOSE how sex fits into your life…you are an adult and can make choices for yourself and your body
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What this does mean, however, is that you have to gain clarity about what SEX means for you, you must exercise discretion, and you must take precautions for your health and safety.

Using sex for the wrong reasons during this time will ultimately lead to further sadness, confusion, anxiety, and overwhelm and can complicate your divorce, your decision making and your commitment to your children.

I strongly suggest that you DO NOT:

  • have sex within the community you and your children frequent
  • use sex to avoid dealing with issues you need to address
  • talk with friends, family or children about your personal sexual experiences
  • AVOID USING PROTECTION
  • confuse sex with a relationship

Exploring your sensuality, rediscovering your sexuality and engaging in new sexual relationships is all part of the journey of divorce.

The most valuable advice I can give to you is:

  1. Know what sex means for you

    Use this time to rediscover what sensuality means for you.  Explore what you want from sex…comfort, security, self esteem, a fabulous time…  Don’t make the mistake of jumping into another relationship solely because you want to have frequent sex with a great looking guy.  You can have the sex without the relationship if that is what is right for you at this moment in time.  There is plenty of time to evaluate what a GREAT relationship is for you and what it looks like.  Sometimes we need to focus on the foundation of our lives before we can share them with another person.

  2. Keep your sexual encounters out of the divorce process

    If you are not discreet, your soon-to-be-ex will be more difficult than ever…rightfully so.  It is unfair and immature to use sex as a means of re-directing, controlling, or hurting him.  It will always backfire.  As well, be cautious to keep your private life out of the community in which your children are.  People talk as we all know, and not all parents and adults think before they speak.  You would never want your children to hear things about you whether they are true or not
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  3. Be safe

    The world of sexually transmitted diseases is VASTLY different than when we were twenty!  Most people who carry STDs are unaware that they have it and the statistics are staggering.  USE A CONDOM!  Just because we are “adults” does not mean that we are more responsible.  There are plenty of single parents and professionals that are irresponsible in this area of their lives.

This is a time for you to regroup, renew and reinvent yourself in all areas of your life.  Sex is no different.  Enjoy it!  Explore it!  Indulge in it!

Just, do it wisely, responsibly and with integrity!

I am here to support you and to help you move forward.  And you are here for each other.  Together we can create the life you WANT and DESERVE!

I specialize in extraordinary communication; listening skills and my cognitive process of understanding are seen as my supreme gift.

Simple, simpler, simplest is my mantra.

I will never leave any woman asking “What am I supposed to do next?”

I believe in a woman’s higher purpose, no obstacle will stop you from getting to your goals.