Happy belated July 4th Independence Day!
I took a little time away over the holiday, I needed to get quiet and hear my little inner voice and all it has to say. I just don’t often listen hard enough.
July 4th, Independence Day, has special meaning for me this year. As of September I am going to be entering a new stage of my life, and I have found myself feeling scared for the first time in a long time.
Ten years ago I moved from married life to divorced lifestyle, a transition that left me navigating a road full of challenges and joys (and everything in between) that I never imagined I would face. That time in my life, moving through and forward after my divorce, and creating a new life as a single mom was where I first found my courage and strength to be self-sufficient; and balance the many areas of life that needed my attention. I learned who I am and who I am meant to be as a woman, and mastered my own fierce and feminine resilience. And it was hard. I cried harder than I have ever cried…and found my soul voice of truth.
However, as my children prepare to leave for college this fall, I sell my house (please keep your fingers crossed that it will happen soon!) and I look towards setting a strong foundation for my future, I find myself untethered in an entirely new way.
In fact, I am feeling a little “responsibility intolerant” at this moment, and therefore I am choosing to do a bit of re-prioritizing in my life….my one, amazing life.
And so I will be walking my talk, taking action on what I know to be true, and applying my own principles of fierce and feminine resilience to my life in preparation for figuring out what comes next.
For my entire adult life I have been taking care of and responsible to others as a good wife, mother, divorcee, partner, homeowner, pet owner, friend, colleague and entrepreneur. And until now, I hadn’t realized that I was eagerly (albeit with enormous fear) awaiting this moment in time…a time where I can and am prepared to let go of what was in order to create what will be.
I am no longer going to have children at home, there is no need for daily parenting responsibilities; I am a mother to adults now, not children anymore.
I am letting go of owning a home, and opting instead to find a small, cozy and beautiful rental where I am only responsible for a rent check.
I am looking ahead to my own financial future and realizing that to get to where I want to be, I will need to fiercely focus on myself, what I want to create in my life and business and how I am going to get there.
But, as all crossroads and new chapters go, I am again struck by just how hard and lonely this work is. Only this time I am prepared.
I know that I have to let go of some of the “excuses” and “fear talk” that keeps getting in the way.
While they have always been and will always be a priority, my children have in some ways become excuses; and with them leaving the nest, I am left with no one to distract me from achieving what I truly desire in ways that I have only imagined.
My home/house and need to stay put in my small, sleepy town is also now an “excuse”. With the sale of my house, I can go anywhere…and do anything. All I need to do is set a plan in motion and grab my gorgeous, powerful resilience toolbox to get me through.
And Drew…my beloved Drew. He, and our relationship, in some ways has been an excuse. “When the kids leave…when I move to Massachusetts…when we get ‘there’ (wherever ‘there’ is)” have been commonly spoken phrases by me for a long time. As if my future is dependent on his…that somehow what I want will magically appear if I just create this incredible love. So, I am openly and honestly talking with him and have told him that I need the freedom to do what I want and need to do so that I can feel fully self-sufficient, fully strong and vibrant, and fully nurtured and fulfilled on my own in order to create a powerful vision for the life, love and career that I want to have in this next chapter. We still have our love, but I need to walk this path without support from anyone and without being responsible to anyone.
For the first, the very first time, in my life, I am alone. And I am so fucking scared and uncomfortable.
Yes, I have my parents, my children, Drew and so many friends and colleagues, but they can’t do it for me and can no longer be my excuses.
And here’s the raw and real truth: I also know that in letting go, I enter the deep, dark and extremely uncomfortable space of growth and evolution; the space where I will find what my heart and soul craves. But it is gonna hurt like hell until I get there.
What happens next is on me. I am 100% responsible for myself; emotionally, financially, professionally, and in every other way.
There is nowhere to turn, no place to hide and no one to run to. And truth be told, I haven’t felt this liberated or this afraid…ever.
But, I know that I can do this…and I am ready.
It is going to mean setting the clearest and most challenging goals for myself professionally and financially.
It is going to mean facing my fear and doing it anyway…fierce, feminine and unapologetic.
It is going to mean stepping FAR outside of my comfort zone and stretching my ability to live with uncertainty and discomfort.
It is going to mean doing it alone…on my own. With no outside validation, confirmation or approval, other than my own.
Because when I do, I will have everything I truly desire. All it will take is trust,
and a deep commitment to making it happen.
Yes, I have this…and I have my own back.
Wanna join me?