I opened my letter today with “when will you know its time to get help”?
My immediate reaction to that is…when you tell yourself that you don’t need any help. This is usually a good indication that you are trying to go at it alone and that your inner wisdom is trying to tell you that it is time to get support.
Having been there, and still needing support, I can assure you that it is NOT a sign of weakness or dysfunction to ask for help.
· ready to move forward
Sometimes, we get so confused and overwhelmed that we mistakenly believe that because we are not clear about what to do, we should wait until we are more “pulled together” before we get help. WRONG!
Below are the signs to look out for that signal that it is time to get help and support:
1. You are overwhelmed!
Overwhelm and confusion are the first indications that you need help! While most people think that they need to “pull themselves together” and stabilize themselves before getting help…the opposite is actually true. The more overwhelmed and confused you are…the more likely it is that you are ready to make a huge change in your life.
2. Your friends have “had enough”!
We all know what it is like to try and “be there” for a friend when they are going through a hard time. The problem with divorce is that it is hard before you make the decision, while you are going through it, coming out after it and moving forward over time. This can take YEARS and I can promise you that your friends love you too much to tell you that they are tired of hearing about it.
3. You don’t know how you got here?
Do you ever wonder how you got here? How you got to the place where your marriage is over, your life is turned upside down and you don’t know how you are going to survive and ever be happy again? If so, you NEED SUPPORT! There are always reasons why you are where you are…it is understanding how you got here and how it will help you in moving forward that is most important.
4. You are exhausted!
I remember thinking, “I am so damn tired that I don’t how I will ever feel rested again”! I was tired of my kids, my job, putting on a happy face, going to the grocery store…I didn’t even want to have fun. As a matter of fact…I just wanted to run away to a place where I could stay in bed for a week and not “take care” of anyone! This kind of exhaustion is unhealthy and will lead you down a path of poor decision making and grave unhappiness. There is NO reason why you should be this exhausted!
5. You can’t remember the last time you had fun?!
Fun? What’s that? If you can’t remember the last time you had fun….or can’t even identify what fun is for you…then you are in desperate need of an intervention! Life is short and divorce is a transition…not an end! If you are going to move through your divorce process and attend to all the things that will need your attention, you will have to re-fuel yourself with a little fun EVERY week. This is a strong sign that change is necessary in your life!
6. You spend more time focused on your divorce rather than living your life.
If all of your conversations are about your divorce, issues relating to your soon-to-be-ex, and what went wrong in the marriage….your life is out of balance. Your divorce is something that you are going to have to live with….like getting a puppy. It is hard work, needs your attention, but should not DEFINE your life. It will be something that will be with you for a long time and therefore creating a way to live with it as a ongoing part of your life is extremely important.
If you have never had the wonderful opportunity to try working with a life or divorce coach, make this your time to open yourself up to something that will change your life!
Book a complimentary session with a coach of your choice and see what will happen! I guarantee that you will see your overwhelm slowly go away!
You are not alone!