Effortless, extraordinary love.

We all want it.

We all deserve it.

So, why don’t we all have it?










How did you react today when you read the title of this post?

Did you say to yourself, there is no such thing as effortless love?  Or did you roll your eyes, snort and say, I am done with this relationship and love thing?

Or, did you quietly say to yourself, I want to be in love, feel love and experience effortless love, but I don’t even know where to begin.

Divorce, the end of a profound and significant love relationship, while it feels like an end, is really the beginning of a journey towards attracting, creating, embracing and enjoying effortless, extraordinary love.

So, why don’t we all have this kind of love in our lives? 

Because we aren’t ready for it.

I don’t mean that you don’t want it. Deserve it. Or are capable of it.  What I mean is that there is far more involved in preparing for it than most people understand.

Being ready for effortless, extraordinary love means living an effortless, extraordinary life.

What happens for so many individuals is that they try to find love before they are ready.  As a result, they may find themselves in a relationship that is not healthy, and one that inevitably, does not work out.  In their eyes this further validates that true love doesn’t exist and now seems even more impossible.  Have you ever felt this way?

So what does being ready for love mean?

Here are five indicators that you are ready for effortless and extraordinary love:

  • You are honest and clear on what you must have and must never have in your ideal relationship.

While most of us believe we know exactly what we want in a relationship, the reality is that we don’t really have clarity around what we must have and must never have.

And it is not always what it seems.

For example, in one of my Love Chats this past week, a woman shared that on her list of five criteria, she would like a man that is within five years of her age.  After further conversation and exploration, what we discovered is that age is not really a must have for her, but rather that at her age and stage, having more children is something that she must never have.  Age is not a deal breaker, but dating someone who wants children, is.

Often we are not honest about our truths, and as we date; we mold, bend and excuse the very things that will cause the deterioration of the relationship over time.  Being ready means knowing the truth of what you need and want in your ideal relationship.

  • You enjoy dating and kissing lots of frogs!

Finding your ideal relationship can happen at any time and at any place.  However, if you are not living a life that allows you to interact with potential partners, it is going to be difficult to find one.

You will need to put yourself in situations and environments where you can interact with people all the time and you will need to be open to and excited about meeting them.

I love men.  Even after my divorce, I never stopped loving, enjoying and attracting men.  As a matter of fact, I also love people and am curious about human behavior.  So for me, spending time dating was fun.  Regardless of whether or not they were the one, I always enjoyed the process of getting to know someone new.  As a result, I am still friends today with a number of the men I dated, even if just for one date.

Getting to know a prospective partner and beginning a new relationship is one that requires curiosity, time and shared experiences.  It doesn’t happen overnight and is the repeated enjoyment of spending time together.

If you are aggravated by the dating process, frustrated with how long it is taking, or bitter about the opposite sex; you are probably not ready to build a new, exceptional relationship.

  • You live a life of passion and purpose.

Are you happy?  Do you enjoy your life?  Part of creating an extraordinary relationship is sharing the joys of your life with someone new and allowing them to share their joyful life with you.

Effortless relationships do NOT include the responsibility of making each other happy.  Happiness is found within, and then shared with each other.  It is in the sharing of passions and purpose that juicy joy is created.

If you are not living a life you love, filled with passion and purpose; the likelihood of attracting a relationship that makes you happy is slim.  For those individuals who seek a partner that will fulfill them and make them happy, it is disappointing when a new relationship deteriorates for no good reason.

That is not to say that in an extraordinary relationship both people don’t enhance the joy and happiness in each other lives, because that is part of what makes it so fabulous; but one is not the sole source of happiness for the other.

If you are not already living a life you love, you are not yet ready.

  • You have healthy and happy relationships with your friends and family.

Usually individuals who have an extraordinary love relationship, also have happy and healthy relationships with the other people in their lives.

Back in November I wrote about the wonderful quote, How you do anything is how you do everything.   There is no situation for which this applies more perfectly than relationships.

Divorce can create a shift in many of the relationships in your life, because it is the demise of a significant love relationship, your marriage.  It takes time to deconstruct the experience of a marriage and rebuild our relationship confidence.

If you find that you are experiencing conflict and tension in a number of relationships in your life, the chances are that there is something deeper going on that deserves exploration.

  • You are emotionally and financially healthy.

So, this is a biggie.  If you are not emotionally and financially healthy, it will be extremely difficult to attract and sustain an effortless, extraordinary relationship.

I don’t want you to misunderstand me, I recognize that you may not be financially abundant (yet!), but it is critical to be in control of your own financial life before you can share your life with someone new.  The same applies to emotional health.

Healthy relationships are built when the individuals in them are healthy.

If the ground beneath your feet is not yet stable, taking the time to build security in your life will be a key to unlocking the door to new love.

Having effortless, extraordinary love in your life is not only possible, but essential.  And it is yours for the taking when the time is right!

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