A new weekly column for mothers, sisters and daughters!
This week I am proud to introduce to you my mother, Martha Weisbart. My mother is an accomplished woman and professional and a happily married woman for 45 years this year!
To say that when I got divorced I felt like a complete failure, not only in my own eyes, but the eyes of my parents as well, is an understatement!
I had always been close to my parents and especially my mother, but the divorce put these relationships in complete upheaval as well! Over these years since the divorce, it has been a fantastic learning opportunity for me regarding my relationship with my parents and family, but one that has brought us much closer. I now share an even more incredible relationship with my mother.
Today’s economic challenges have not only forced many divorcing men and women to move home with their parents, but to take financial, emotional and parenting assistance from them as well. A situation that can cause enormous stress and anxiety for all of the parties involved.
I have invited my mother to join me at The D Spot as a weekly columnist on what this transition has been like for her, for us and I am sure, for you.
As well, next month, my mother and I will be hosting a FREE teleclass on this subject and welcome you, your mothers, daughters and anyone else to join us then. Keep your eyes out for details!
For now, here is her first installment of the new column “Notes from the Mother of a Divorcee”. Please look for future installments in the left hand column.
“OMG… I can’t believe it”
There are many things the parents of an adult child can hear that cause their hearts to stop in pain. I hope never to hear most of them.
But, the day my daughter, mother of my two grandsons, called and said, “….and so we are getting a divorce.” My heart stopped. Even writing these words some 7 years later causes my breath to catch in my chest.
When our daughters walk down the aisle, whether or not we love our sons-in-law, there is a sense of the end of a stage of life and of responsibility and the possibility of new beginnings…for everyone. The older we grow, the more we like that freedom…in fact, we come to cherish it. They have dreams and so do we….dreams of their security, their happiness, the children they will bear, the lives they will lead. And us too.
So those dreaded words strike chords of pain on so many levels…..how could this happen to me was my first thought. I couldn’t believe it. And I cried during drive times in the car; whenever I talked to a friend; all the time I talked with my husband; when I went to sleep; when I woke at 2 a.m. alone in my state of panic; well….you get the picture. When didn’t I cry….when I talked to my daughter. After all, she had her own pain…what she didn’t need was mine. I knew that logically. But all the books were focused on her. Who had written for me?
Over the years, I sort of knew it was coming. I had seen seeds of the possibility when she became engaged. And it played out like my worst fears. What did I feel….well, do the words disappointment, fear, terror, sympathy, unbelievable-ness, pain, anger, anxiety, and terror sound familiar? What would happen to her? What would happen to my beautiful grandsons? What would happen to me?
During the years since my daughter uttered those words, we have been on a journey, tumultuous at times, of connecting in a new way. We both have gotten a new understanding of what divorce means not only for the couple involved, but to the people who love them as well. My hope is to share with you MY journey of divorce-once removed, as part of the overall transition, and to offer what I have learned and the resources I have sought to keep the best of our relationship and create new beginnings for our new family structure. It is an ongoing journey.
Your questions, comments and suggestions are welcome.
Martha Sue Weisbart