Dear Mediocrity, it’s over.
You crept up on me silently; slowly replacing my exuberance, sense of adventure and silly, sexy playfulness with the responsibility of motherhood, marriage and managing a family and home. You worked so hard to convince me that you were all I really needed.
In the beginning you were exactly what I thought I wanted. You lured me in with your reliability and certainty; and confused me by masking yourself as a safe, comfortable and consistent life.
My desire to be considerate, caring, and flexible as a wife, mother and woman is what first attracted you to me.
I believed that I had to sacrifice my passionate sex life, my inner desires and my sense of adventure to make you happy. In fact the more my inner light dimmed, the stronger you became.
It took a long time for me to realize what was happening. You took me so far away from the mystical, magical life I always imagined that I simply stopped imagining it was possible at all.
And you know what? You almost had me.
You almost got me to resign myself to a life with you.
Each time I experienced a moment of sheer joy and unbridled passion, you threw a roadblock in front of me:
- guilt for wanting more
- pressure to feel that I “supposed” to be what everyone else wanted
- fear of living without you
- threat that without you I wouldn’t find crazy good love and an extraordinary life
The more I believed you the farther away from my truth I got; I didn’t realize just how much accepting you made me lose sight of who I am…and am meant to be.
But you also exhausted me; pretending that you and I were okay wore me down and left me feeling sad and lonely; and with this sadness and loneliness came pain so great that it outweighed the fear of living without you.
Now I know better. I know that life without you is amazing…and full of spicy, sexy, meaningful and juicy relationships and experiences. Yes, there is uncertainty and fear, but without you I can hear the voice of my truth, courage and strength.
So, it’s over.
I no longer want you in my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate you, rather I’m grateful to you in some ways because you have shown me what I will never again allow in my life. You are a reminder of why I now embrace all that makes my heart sing. Thank you for that gift and more importantly, for making life so miserable that I finally had the incentive to leave you.
I hope…actually I know that I will never see you again.
Are you ready to break up with Mediocrity?