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When I got divorced 12 years ago, one of the first things I bought was a black pair of flip flops and matching beach bag, and written all over them in white was “it’s all about me”.
Now admittedly I wore them around with a slight chip on my shoulder at the time, looking back now they were my way of asserting my desire to take back my life and create what I truly wanted. I needed anything that would fuel my courage and confidence, it was a particularly difficult time and I wanted to move through it with integrity and honor.
Fast forward to today, when I wish in many ways that I still had those flip flops and tote.
This year I have found myself in another significant time of transition, again requiring me to call upon my courage and confidence, and yet, in a vastly different way.
I am 12 years older (and I believe far wiser), and although still vulnerable in so many ways, I am stronger, calmer and clearer than I have ever been.
But, as my life grows, expands and evolves; and as I walk into the maturity of this time of my life, I spend more time thinking about my rights and the responsibility that comes with them. So, I have decided to share what I am calling my Fierce and Feminine Bill of Rights and Responsibilities.
There is something magical about reaching the time in your life when you regain the freedom to look forward and create a vision for the next half of the journey. The magic is created when wisdom, self-love, vulnerability and resilience come together; and the future becomes a beautiful blank canvass upon which an entirely new story can emerge.
Whether you are not quite there yet, just arriving or find yourself stuck on what to do with your blank canvas, remember that you have only one amazing life, and everything you want is out there waiting for you to claim.
The Fierce and Feminine Bill of Rights and Responsibilities
You have the right to speak the truth, even when your voice shakes; and to ask that others listen even if they disagree.
You have the right to pursue whatever activities, hobbies or opportunities make your heart sing; even when others may not understand or agree.
You have the right to ask that your children meet your half way in your relationship with them as they become young adults. Relationships with our children become a shared responsibility as they launch into the world.
You have the right to ask for what you want; whether in life, love or career…you can’t possibly expect to get what you aren’t willing to ask for.’
You have the right (and the ability!!) to begin a career, change a career, or step more fully into your professional success at any time. Yes, you do…you just need support to do it.
You have the right to a love that is absent of fear or uncertainty; a love that is kind, compassionate, honest and brave.
You have the right to let go of every and anything that no longer serves who you are and who you are meant to be.
You have the right to feel butterflies in your stomach, flushed in your face and tingly all over; because it does exist.
You have the right to step out of your comfort zone and into the space of discomfort and the unknown; because that is where what you truly want lives.
You have the right to feel every emotion that you feel because you are feeling them for a reason. It is what you do with them that matters.
You have the right to make a new choice every day; every day is an opportunity to begin again.
You have the right to be fierce and feminine, at the same time; because you are.
You have the responsibility to be the kind of role model that your children, your daughters and sons, need; to never ask of them what you are unwilling to do for yourself.
You have the responsibility to take care of yourself; mind, body and soul, so that you have what you need to take care of those you love the most.
You have the responsibility to be curious, not critical; curiosity will allow you to learn, being critical will prevent your relationships from growing.
You have the responsibility to look for and be open to opportunity and possibility; they are around you all the time.
You have the responsibility to speak loudly and proudly about the things that you feel strongly about. The world needs your voice and your passion now more than ever before.
You have the responsibility to speak your truth with kindness and compassion, especially to those you love the most; even when your voice shakes, even when it may hurt them. Not speaking your truth will build relationships that don’t have a strong foundation and can’t be sustainable.
You have the responsibility to lead a healthy life, it is no one’s obligation to do it for you.
You have the responsibility to show up in your relationships in the way that you hope others will show up for you. Most relationships are not unconditional…they require us to consistently be what we “promised”when we first built them.
You have the responsibility to let go of things that hurt you, marginalize you or dis-empower you in any way; even when it is hard and it hurts.
You have the responsibility to step outside of your comfort zone and take action to create what want; and take control of your life instead of waiting for it to come to you.
You have the responsibility to empower and support others to become their best selves; this is what will give you perspective and it will change the course of your life.
You have the responsibility to choose love with your partner every day if you want to build a relationship that can withstand the test of time. Choose love over anger, and commit to what Tony Robbins calls CANI (constant and never-ending improvement).
You are responsible for your words, actions and behaviors; and the consequences of them. So choose wisely.
You are fierce and feminine, vulnerable and strong, courageous and compassionate.
You have everything you already need within you…now go out and be who you are meant to be.