Written by Sandra Gahlinger
You can have a great relationship. It’s magical when it happens…but it doesn’t happen by accident. You have control. It’s up to you.
The good news is you already have within you everything that’s required to create and keep a fantastic relationship.
FIND: “Man”-ifesting the right guy (or gal)
Decide what you want. Do not settle.
(Trust me…I have dated all the wrong guys…some real doozies! You can have a great guy.)
You are here and have a right to choose what kind of relationship you want. People laugh, but I manifested my hubs.
I had hired my first coach, Kathie Wickstrand-Gahen, and she had me do an exercise to get really clear on things I wanted – not just a “great guy”, but specifically, what did I mean by “great guy”.
I created my husband on paper, in detail, months before we met.
Come to find out that my husband had done something similar. He hadn’t written it out, but he’d prayed to meet a southern woman, with certain values, living in Coronado, California….one of my values, by the way, was a man that believed in God or a Higher power and operated from that trust and belief.
Think about the type of person you want – what is that person’s views and values on himself, family, faith, the world?
Note: It’s important what the person thinks of themselves because they won’t think any higher of you than they do of themselves.
TIP: A great place to start is to think about the kind of person you want to become and your qualities that you want to grow, then put those on paper. After all, you become like the people you hang out with.
This is a small part of my checklist:
· a goofy sense of humor (check),
· a love of animals (check),
· intellectually curious (check),
· faith in a higher power (check),
· openness to new ideas (check),
· emotionally open (check)
· thoughtful to me and others – flowers, calling (check)
· good relationship with his parents (check)
CREATE: Loving Out the Limitations
Part of love is the opportunity to grow. Part of growth is facing fear. We were not meant to live in fear. Fear’s goal is to keep you small. Ultimately, it keeps you from living the life you want to live, and it’ll keep you from having the relationship you want to have.
Know that a great relationship is going to bring up your fears. It’s not something to run from. When fears come up, many times our reaction is to “fight” or to defend ourselves…often we’ll want to blame the other person.
These kinds of challenges are the universe’s way of freeing you from the bondage that fear creates. The Bible says, “Perfect love casteth out fear.” I’d never thought of that verse in these terms until just now as I write this…but wow, it’s so true. Fear and love cannot exist together, and love is the stronger of the two if you trust it.
I’ve learned through my hubs that you can talk about money in a relationship without raising your voice, without shame. This was a big fear for me to release. I didn’t know it could be different.
TIP: When you have those conversations that scare you, and you meet the challenges that come up, your relationship grows to a deeper level – it just gets sweeter and even more solid. That’s the reward of facing those fears – a deeper relationship with yourself and your spouse.
KEEP: Share the Love
It’s old advice, but tell the person often, daily, every time you see them, talk to them, email or Skype them….tell him that you love him, how much you appreciate him, how great it is to have him in your life, how sexy you think he is, how much you admire him, how proud you are of him, etc, etc.
First of all, everyone likes to hear these things. Don’t you?
How often do you think it and don’t share it?
I have to say that I learned this by my husband’s example, and it was a bit odd for me at first. Now, it’s like second nature for me, and I can’t imagine it any other way.
Plus, you need to remember that everything you think and say goes through you first. Your thoughts create biological/chemical responses in your body.
Communicating positive discharges positive chemicals throughout your system.
Part of creating a life you love is deciding what you want that life to look like…and then taking the steps to make it happen. It’s no different for relationships.
These steps for finding, creating, and keeping a great relationship apply to all areas of your life.
The bottom line here is “being”…your life will ultimately match up to your being.
Who (and how) do you want to be?